What's Next?

I would really appreciate it if someone would start making decisions for me.

Monday is a day I could do never having to re-live again. It started off with someone I know dying in a car accident. Then a HORRIBLE doctor's appointment where I found out I will never be able to carry a pregnancy to full-term (more on that below). Then one of my second cousin's passed away. Three hours after that my uncle was diagnosed with mesothelioma, the same cancer my grandpa died from 2 months after he was diagnosed....the irony in that comparisson, both my grandpa and uncle were diagnosed in September.

Apparently, I have to have surgery on my cervix. She told me that I will run the risk of never being able to carry a pregnancy, and if I do I will not be capable of carrying it to full-term. So now that makes me ask the question....why do I continue to torture myself with bad news after bad news? Some days the answer is "I don't know" and some days the answer is "because I can't give up until I have tried to have a baby and failed".

I was doing cardio the other night....when I started bleeding heavily and cramping. Ahhh after being on Lupron for 6+ weeks I should not be bleeding or cramping. After a call to the doctors office and an appointment scheduled for the next day...then the bleeding stopped....I am so tired of paying copays I cancelled the appointment figuring it could wait until my next appointment in November! I am sooo done with having people between my legs. Done.

After some discussion I have decided to not move forward with the cervix surgery until 2011. I am a bridesmaid in a wedding in December and the poster child for surgical complications...I am not willing to try and squeeze in a surgery in the next 2 months and still expect to be healthy enough to walk down that aisle! I did not make the decision uneducated and if my doctor was adamant about it happening immediately I would have consented. She agreed it would be fine to wait....so wait I shall!

I have never been so happy to make it to a Friday as I am today!

Tomorrow I am going to mow the lawn, do a very little bit of housework, and then spend the rest of the day in my pajamas till it is time for church! Tomorrow night my best friend arrives back in the US from Bangladesh where she has been for 2 weeks...and I am sooo excited to talk to her and see her!